


Incorrect black butler quotes

by Funtom_fanfics



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Astre phantomhive is a brat, Ciel phantomhive... but he's the better twin, Finny isn't innocent in this-, Multi, one finny meme at a time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2020-11-02 04:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 46
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20625023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Funtom_fanfics/pseuds/Funtom_fanfics
Summary: It would be funnier if you read along with Unnas Annus: episode - Ethan becomes a man - time : 16:21





	1. ~1~

Ciel| You look so nice... I want to kiss you-

Astre| you what

Ciel| I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDN'T MISS YOU


	2. Chapter 2

[At the phantomhive new years party]

Sebastian| I would like to offer a toast!

Sebastian| I cant believe we have went through another 12 months of fuckery.

Sebastian| cheers, boys!


	3. Chapter 3

**Finny, praying| **I need someone to be my friend, someone who wont run away from me.

**Finny|** maybe send me and angel, the nicest angel you have.

**Bard and Meyrin, emerging from a burning kitchen| ***maniacally laughing*


	4. Chapter 4

[explosion in the distance]

**Sebastian| **BARDROY WHAT DID YOU DO?!

**Bard| **my best.


	5. ~5~

"Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe"

**\- Astre, to Alois Trancy**


	6. ~6~

**Finny| **why do you always have to drive? 

**Finny|** Because you're Bard? Because you're the tough guy?

**Bard|** No.

**Bard|** I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals.


	7. ~ whats thanksgiving? ~

**Finny| **I have a question, whats thanksgiving?

******Bard| **It's where Americans come together and be thankful for not being british anymore.


	8. ~ Notice anything? ~

**Ciel| **Do you know anything different about me today?

**Astre, looking up from his book| **you broke into my house?

**Ciel| **no, I'm always doing that


	9. ~ Dont believe you- ~

**Astre| **I promise i wont make a covenant with a demon.

**Ciel****|** I don't believe you, but thats okay-


	10. ~ yeet ~

**Finny| **Today I yote my water bottle across the hall

**Meyrin| **Did you just say 'yeet' in past tense?


	11. ~ 2 8 S T a b W O u n  D S ~

**Undertaker, after Ciel gets stabbed| **Ciel, just GO TO THE HOSPITAL

**Ciel, bleeding out| **whose stab wound is it? is it OUR stab wound? stay out of this


	12. ~ just watch him ~

**Sebastian, after finny gets shot for ciel, and is now drugged up to heal the wounds|** Ciel, can you look after and watch finny tonight? Guests will be here and I dont want him to say the wrong thing to the wrong person and get himself punched-

**Ciel, still hating finny| **Sure, I'd love to see finny get punched

**Sebastian| **Try again-

**Ciel|** I'll... make sure finny doesn't get punched?

**Sebastian| **Correct


	13. ~.Marshmallows.~

**Finny| **Hey, do you think I'll be able to fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

**Meyrin| **... You're a hazard to society

**Bard|** And a coward, do 20.


	14. ~.Truly unfortunate.~

**Astre| **I can't believe we're stuck in this room together.

**Ciel, swallowing the key| **truly unfortunate.


	15. ~.why not.~

**Finny, attempting to do the laundry| **master, I don't think I wanna hang around Ciel anymore..

**Astre| **Why not?

**Finny| **I think I'm falling in l--

**Ciel, from inside the washing machine| **YEaH WhY Not?

**Finny|** AahH GoD nO!!


	16. Chapter 16

Astre| our biggest threat, is ourselves!

Finny| ... nawh, I think... i think crocodiles are pretty scary man-


	17. ~. DEAR GOD .~

**Undertaker|** We have kidnapped your son!

**Bard|** I don't have a son-

**Undertaker|** ... Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off his sandwich?

**Bard| _DEAR_** ** _ GOD YOU HAVE CIEL--_ **


	18. ~. on the contrary .~

**Astre|** I am lost for words

** _~later~_ **

**Ciel|** despite being lost for words, Astre yelled at me for 10 minutes-


	19. Chapter 19

**Sebastian|** santa's kind of an asshole

**Sebastian|** he works one day a year and spends the rest of it judging you...

**Sebastian|** i think he and Bocchan will get along quite well, come to think of it


	20. ~. L U K E .~

**Ciel , from the air vents|** LUKE-

**Bard, reflexively|** I AM YOUR FATHER-

Siri| _recording complete_

**Ciel|**

**Bard|**

**Ciel|** I can explai-

**Bard|** did you just

**Ciel|** no-

**Bard|** did you just record me saying I am your father


	21. ~. journaling .~

**Sebastian|** *journaling* it's day 183 in Universe 3028. I've seen numerous species, many of which I have never heard of before. After months of careful observation, I've finally decided that-

**Finny|** *to the tune of final countdown* ITS A MENTAL BREAKDOWWWNNNNN

**Meyrin|** *off key kazoo*

**Sebastian|**

**Sebastian|** ...there is no sign of intelligent life here


	22. ~. SHOTGUN .~

**Ciel|** SHOTGUN!

**Astre|** SHOTG- Fuck!

**Finny|** SHOTGUN'S LAP!

**Astre|** FuCk!


	23. ~. pass the salt .~

**Finny: **Daddy, can you pass the salt?

**Sebastian: ***reaches for the salt*

**Ciel: ***reaches for the salt*

**Bard: ***reaches for the salt*

**Meyrin: **And so it begins

**Astre: **I'm surprised no one threw me across the table-


	24. ~. guess what I got? .~

**Finny:** Hey guys~! guess what I got~!

**Meyrin:** A girlfriend?

**Bard: **A real Job?

**Meyrin: **A friend your own age?

**Finny: **N O


	25. ~. idk what to caption this-- .~

**Sebastian: **you're smiling, did something bad happen?

**Bard: **Can't I smile because I feel like it?

**Ciel: **Finny tripped and fell in the parking lot


	26. ~. Like a box .~

**Finny| **Sometimes Finny feels like a box..

**Astre| **... explain..?

**Finny| **Finny is fragile and needs to be handled with care.


	27. ~. n o o n e .~

**Ciel| ***flirting with Finny*

**Bard| ***staring silently*

**Meyrin| **... you're really quiet today, Bard-

**Bard| **No one plans a murder out loud, mey...


	28. ~. i me an .~

**Finny| **Treat spiders how you want to be treated

**Ciel| **... killed without hesitation


	29. ~. straight .~

**Finny| **Do I look straight?

**Bard| **Not in the slightest

**Finny| **I mean my parking job

**Bard| **oh- yeah its fine-


	30. ~ applebees ~

**Bard| **Hi welcome to apple bees, would you like apples or bees?

**Finny| **B-Bees-?

**Bard| _HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES_**

**Finny| **Wait-

**Meyrin| **[walks in with a jar of bees]

**Finny| ** _wAIT-_


	31. ~ kidnapping ~

**Finny| **What would you do if someone kidnapped me and not the young master?

**Sebastian****| **Wait 30 minutes until they let you go voluntarily 


	32. ~ p a n i c ~

**Ciel| **[runs in and slams the door, clearly panicked]

**Astre| **What did you do?

**Ciel| **nobody died!

**Astre| **WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT-


	33. ~ morse code ~

**Bard| ***taps table*

**Finny| ***taps back*

**Meyrin| **... what the hell are they doing?

**Sebastian| **morse code.

**Finny| ***aggressively taps table*

**Bard| ***slaps hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK


	34. ~ what's it like? ~

**Bard| **So, what's it like being Ciels brother?

**Astre| **Once I asked him for a glass of water while he was mad at me, and he brought me a glass of ice and said "wait"


	35. ~ bad example ~

**Finny| **I'm so useless...

**Bard| **Nah, you're not

**Bard| **You can be used as a bad example


	36. ~ headache ~

**Astre| **I'm not doing too well

**Astre| **I have this headache that comes and goes

**Ciel| **[Walks into the room]

**Astre| **oh look, there it is again


	37. ~ bigger messes ~

**Astre| **How do bard, meyrin and finny usually get out of these messes?

**Sebastian|** they dont. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.


	38. ~ dumb stuff ~

**Finny| **I've done a lot of dumb stuff

**meyrin| **I witnessed the dumb stuff

**Astre| **I recorded the dumb stuff

**Bard| **I joined you in the dumb stuff

**Sebastian| **I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF-  



	39. ~ a date ~

**Finny|** How much did you spend on this date?

**Ciel| **£1400. but all of its on credit cards, so its like £5 a month for the next 2,000 years-


	40. ~ friendship bracelet ~

**Finny| **ₚ ₛ ₛ ₜ, ₘ ᵣ ₚ ₕ ₐ ₙ ₜ ₒ ₘ ₕ ᵢ ᵥ ₑ

**Ciel| **What-?

**Finny| **I made a friendship bracelet for you!

**Ciel| **Y'know, I'm not really a jewellery person-

**Finny| **Oh... well.. you dont have to wear it-

**Ciel| **No, I'm gonna wear It forever back off


	41. ~ Ciel no ~

**Bard| **Ciel no-

**Ciel| **Ciel yes.

**Meyrin| **Ciel no-!

**Ciel| **Ciel.. maybe

**finny| **Ciel. no.

**Ciel| **Ciel no.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It would be funnier if you read along with Unnas Annus: episode - Ethan becomes a man - time : 16:21

**Finny, happily sawing wood**| Bard I'm learning!

**Bard, getting further away**| you're learning!

**Finny**| I'm a REAL MAN'S MAN!!!

**Bard**| finny

**Finny, innocently turning round**| :3?

**Bard, pointing a paintball gun at finny**| get on your knees

**Finny**| *gasps* .. why?

**Bard**| I'm ten feet away, you have safety glasses and we're outside.

**Finny**| Bard..

**Bard**| today's the day

**Finny**| B a r d . . 

**Bard**| today's the day.

**Finny**| will you back up a little bit further--?

**Bard**| n o. Ten feet. That was the EXACT. I just measured. From where you are... to where I am, is ten feet.

**Finny**| ok- but hold on-

**Bard**| u h u h

**Finny**| with that paint ball gun-

**Bard**| m h m m

**Finny**| ... w-we've- we know that is more powerful-

**Bard**| w e d o n t k n o w

**Finny**| we do know-

**Bard**| how-

**Finny**| ... you tested it-- and it was so much more powerful--

**Bard**| I n w h a t w a y

**Finny**| because it was SO much louder--

**Bard**| so what do you want, another two feet-

**Finny**| I. DONT. KNOW. WHAT I WANT-

Bard| Ypu dont know what you want~?

**Finny**| idontknowwhatIwant-

**Bard**| listen...

**Bard**| life... comes out as fast. We dont know what life us gonna give us. And today, its gonna give you... _a paintball_~ :)

**Finny**| we dont know how fast that one shoots-

**Bard**| it shoots this fast-- *fuckin yEET boIs-*

**Finny**| 

**Bard**|

**Finny**| will you take a couple more s-steps back-

**Bard**| how about you go to where that was- right there-

**Finny**| ... k

**Bard**| that sound fair?

**Finny**| . . . . K-

**Finny**| ... could I have a tip-

**Bard**| ... w h a t ?

**Finny**| should I tense-or should I... let my body loose-?

**Bard**| I dont think it matters-

**Finny**| dude, I'm frEAKING OUT RiGht nOw-

**Bard**| ITS FINE MAN- LOOK-

**Finny**| shoot the-- shoot the thing again-


	43. ~ what not to do ~

Ciel| things not to do when you receive a dollar dildo in the mail

Ciel|

Ciel|

Ciel| stick it to your forehead- thank you for coming to my TED talk-


	44. Cool cool cool

**Alan:** Rule 3. Let's not have sex right away.

**Eric:**

**Eric: **cool cool cool cool cool

**Eric: **no doubt no doubt no doubt.

**Eric: n o se x-**


	45. ~ responsible ~

**Alan:** I'm the most responsible one of this group

**Eric:** You literally just set the kitchen on fire.

**Alan:** yes, and I take responsibility for that.


	46. ~there was an attempt~

**Eric: **How dare you steal my heart

**Alan: **...yeaahh?

**Eric: **I think I'll steal your last name as revenge. *leaves*

**Alan:** ...what?

**Alan: **wait-

**Alan: **ERIC GET BACK HERE DID YOU JUST TRY TO PROPOSE-


End file.
